Joke of the Day

Someone saw a blonde eating a Tootsie Roll Pop and asked her, “So, how many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll – Tootsie Pop?”

Without a thought, the blonde replied, “Beats me, but it took almost the whole day just to lick through the wrapper.”

Joke of the Day

Knock, Knock.

Who’s there?

Nobody.

Nobody who?

……….

Nobody who?

……….

Nobody Who?

 

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!  Makes me laugh every time!!!  I’m SUCH a dork!!

Joke of the Day

A blonde was chatting with her building manager when she happened to mention that the tenants in the apartment above hers were awfully noisy.

“Most nights, they stomp around up there as if they will killing cockroaches or something. All evening, this goes on, until around midnight.”

“That’s terrible,” said the building manager. “Do you want me to speak to them about it?”

“Oh, no, it’s not necessary,” said the blonde. “It doesn’t keep me up or anything, because, most nights, I usually stay up and practice my trumpet ’til about that time anyway.”

Joke of the Day

An insurance agent’s wife was learning to drive when the brakes gave out. “What should I do?” she cried. “Brace yourself, and try to hit something cheap.”

Joke of the Day

A man goes to his doctor.

“If I see someone riding a bike when I’m walking down the street, I get this terrible urge to throw myself under the wheels. Have you ever heard of such a thing?”

The doctor thinks for a moment, then says; “Yes, I have heard of one other case. You are what we call a cycle path.”

Joke of the Day

A little old man was escorted into the witness box. He was sworn in and asked by the lawyer to explain what happened.

After a lengthy discussion of the events leading up to the incident he finally got around to the meat of the case, “…and then she hit me with a maple leaf.”

“A maple leaf? Surely that couldn’t have caused you any serious injury” said the lawyer.

“Are you kidding?” exclaimed the old man. “It was the leaf from the center of our dining room table.”

Signs

Signs

Spotted in the toilet of a London office: “Toilet out of order. Please use floor below.”

In a Laundromat: “Automatic washing machines. Remove all your clothes when the light goes out.”

In a London department store: “Bargain Basement upstairs.”

In an office: “Would the person who took the step ladder yesterday bring it back, or further steps will be taken.”

In an office: “After tea break, staff should empty the teapot and stand upside down on the draining board.”

Outside a secondhand shop: “We exchange everything — bicycles, washing machines, etc. Why not bring your wife along and get a wonderful bargain?”

Notice in health food shop window: “Closed due to illness.”

Spotted in a safari park: “Elephants stay in your car.”

Seen during a conference: “For anyone who has children and doesn’t know it, there is a day care center on the 1st floor.”

Notice in a farmer’s field: “The farmer allows walkers to cross the field for free, but the bull charges.”

Message on a leaflet: “If you cannot read, this leaflet will tell you how to get lessons.”

On a repair shop door: “We can repair anything. Please knock on the door — the bell doesn’t work.”

Corny/Cheesy Joke of the Day

Dangerous Parrot

A woman’s dishwasher had stopped working, so she called a repairman.He couldn’t accommodate her with an evening appointment, and since she had to go to work the next day, she told him “I’ll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, and I’ll mail you the check. By the way, dont worry about my Rottweiler. He wont bother you. But, whatever you do, do not under any circumstances talk to my parrot!”When the repairman arrived at her apartment the next day, he discovered the biggest and meanest looking Rottweiler he had ever seen. Like she had said, the dog just lay there on the carpet, watching the repairman go about his business. However, the whole time he was there, the parrot drove him nuts with its incessant squawking and talking.

Finally the repairman couldn’t stand the parrot’s talking any longer and he told the bird to be quiet.

The parrot replied, “Get him, Brutus!”

Corny/Cheesy Joke of the Day

Thirteen

A young man was strolling down a street. As he passed a large building with a fence around it, he heard a group of people chanting “Thirteen, thirteen, thirteen” over and over again.Curious, he tried to see over the fence, but couldn’t. Then he spotted a hole in the wood.

He put his eye to the hole. He just managed to spy some old people sitting in deckchairs chanting, before a finger came out of nowhere and poked him in the eye. As he staggered back, the old people started chanting, “Fourteen, fourteen, fourteen…”

Corny/Cheesy Joke of the Day

Anyone that knows me will tell you that I am a HUGE dork!  I LOVE corny/cheesy jokes and commercials (like the Sonic guys, they’re HILAROUS!!)  So, when I find a funny joke, I’m going to post it.

Laughter is the BEST medicene!

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Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. Getting back together, they discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly Mother.

The first said, “I built a big house for our Mother.” The second said, “I sent her a Mercedes with a driver.” The third smiled and said, “I’ve got you both beat. You remember how Mom enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know she can’t see very well any more. I sent her a remarkable parrot that recites the entire Bible. It took Elders in the church 12 years to teach him. He’s one of a kind. Mama just has to name the chapter and verse, and the parrot recites it.”

Soon thereafter, Mom sent out her letters of thanks: “Milton,” she wrote one son, “the house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house.”

“Gerald,” she wrote to another, “I am too old to travel any more. My eyesight isn’t what it used to be. I stay most of the time at home, so I rarely use the Mercedes. And the driver is so rude!”

“Dearest Donald,” she wrote to her third son, “you have the good sense to know what your Mother likes. The chicken was delicious!”

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HA HA HA HA HA!!!