AHHH!!

So over this past weekend Jason and I found a car that we LOVED!  It was a 2004 Acura TSX.  It was everything we wanted in our next car.  1 owner, still under warranty, low miles, super clean and very pretty!  We went ahead and took it home and said that when Monday came we would look for some good rates to finance it.

While I was at work on Monday, Jason was out ’shopping for loans.’  He kept calling me telling me the details of this bank’s loans, and that bank’s loans.  He wasn’t really happy with any of the rates.  Monday winded down and we figured we would continue on Tuesday.

So, again on Tuesday Jason begins to look for a loan.  He tells me he’s gone from bank to bank and he just can’t get a decent loan.  We decide we don’t want to pay 16-17% interest on a used car, it just doesn’t make sense.  Sadly, we decide to take the car back.  I didn’t realize how attached I had become to the car.  I was sad to see it leave.  In fact, I didn’t ride with Jason to take it back, him and his mom went.

Wednesday comes and I get home from work and Jason is continuing his search for ‘the perfect car.’  I am as uninterested as I can be.  I told him I needed a little bit of a break from looking at cars. 

In the next few days to come Jason continues looking at cars and I continue to find stupid reasons why I didn’t like that car.  ‘It’s black, it will be hot’ or ‘it’s a 2.3 litre engine, I’m used to a 3.2′ or ‘the 6 disc cd changer gets on my nerves’.  I was trying my best to let the car go.

This afternoon, Ebin and I are laying down for a nap. – *Sidenote* I love snuggling with him, it’s the best!  And I surprised bc I never really understood what could be so great about snuggling with a baby, but it’s the best-  Anyway, I am laying down and this is what happened:

Jason – comes home from work, bust in the bedroom
Jason -’Hey, you need to come outside and see what I did to my truck’
Me – ‘what?!?  Your truck?!?  Is everything ok?
Jason – ‘Well just come see!’
Me – ‘Did you get new tires? Did you wreck it?’
Jason – ‘Just come see for yourself’
 
Jason opens the door and this is what I saw :

AHHH!!!  Are you kidding me?!  He bought the car I thought we had to return!  He totally fooled me!!  I thought we weren’t getting this car!  I was in TOTAL shock!  It took about 10 minutes for it to sink in that I actually OWN this car!!!  YIPPEEEEE!!!!

What a sweet, sweet husband!  What a GREAT surprise!!

My Hair is Falling Out

In clumps.  It’s a little alarming.  When I brush my hair it’s really concerning how much hair is in the brush when I’m done.  All I can figure is it’s a.) Stress – as far as life goes, this is the most stressed out Jason and I have EVER been.  We have NEVER faced anything quite as devastating as loosing his Father.  Apparently that could be taking it’s tole on my hair b.) Hormones – It’s been almost 4 months since I had Ebin, but my body could still be equalizing I guess.

Whatever it is, it’s FREAKING me out and I wish it would stop.

Suggestions?

Ebin’s teething!

So, for the last week or so I’ve been noticing that Ebin has been 1.cranky 2.restless 3.fevery 4.slobbery 5.snotty.  I’ve read in my ‘what to expect the first year’ book that teething can start as early as month 3 to 4 but didn’t actually think that Ebin was teething.  That was until I took him to his Dr. for a ‘cold’ and we noticed that the ‘cold’ was actually teething symptoms.  He has a tooth coming in on his lower bottom jaw.  He bites on everything and you can really tell at night the poor little guy is in pain.  I feel bad for him, AND for me bc he isn’t really sleeping anymore. 

Hopefully I will get a break between teeth so he can sleep a little.  How many teeth do they have anyway?  20?

UPDATE

The tooth on his lower left jaw is still cutting pretty bad and on his right side the same tooth is cutting.  Poor fella.

Like Grandmother, Like Grandson?

This is a picture of my Mom at 12 weeks old

This is a picture of Ebin at 12 weeks old

He looks JUST like her.  Minus the widow’s peak which is totally from me, he is a spitting image of my Mother!  Even his hair looks like hers!  Crazy

A few pictures…

Here are some recent pictures:

The morning of Ebin’s first snow.  It only snowed a few hours, and it didn’t stick, but it was pretty!

Ebin, Roxie, and Jason all asleep while I rush around getting ready for work.

Cousins!  Just the littlest ones at least.  Maci, Ebin, and CJ

Isn’t he just the cutest!!

He’s a little chunky!  Almost 15 lbs!

CJ crackin up that he has 2 paci’s not just one!  One in his mouth and one in his hands.

Ebin holding his bottle!

Ebin taking a bath.

Coloring Maci’s hair.

Self portrait.

Me, Jason, and Ebin at Incredible Pizza … it’s so much fun there!

Our Larry

This sweet poem was written and recited at Larry’s funeral.  We knew that ‘Aunt’ Ruthie wrote poem’s and were scurring around the Thursday after he died trying to make a list of things about him so that Ruthie could write a poem for us.  Little did we know, she had already prepared the perfect poem!  It was such a blessing!  In our frazzled states we tried to complete a list about Larry, but God knew we couldn’t and gave the words to Ruthie!!

____________________________________

* Our Larry *

Written by ‘Aunt’ Ruthie Harris

 If you knew our Larry,

Then surely you would know,

He left memories of laughter

Everywhere he’d go.

 

If you knew our Larry,

Then surely you still hear,

The stories from his childhood

And the tales he loved to share.

 

If you knew our Larry,

Then surely you re-call,

How much he loved his family.

They made him walk so tall!

 

If you knew our Larry,

Then surely you would find,

He was a sweet, compassionate man,

He was loving, he was kind.

 

If you knew our Larry,

Then you knew Papa Bear.

A gentle man whose grandkids

Always found a lap to share.

 

If you knew our Larry,

Then surely you would know,

He gave his life to Jesus,

Many years ago.

 

And if you knew our Larry,

Then surely there are no fears,

For he’s safely home in Heaven

With no more pain, and no more tears.

-I got this pic from Kim’s Blog, I thought it was pretty funny!-

The Obituary

Larry Glenn Miller
Larry Glenn Miller, 59, of Bartlett, TN was called to spend eternity with his Lord and Savior on Tuesday, January 6, 2009. This loving and humble man possessed a remarkable optimistic attitude, quick wit and resolute faith. Larry was a member of Mullins Station Baptist Church for 18 years and a Shipping Supervisor at Sonoco Phoenix for 35 years. Larry was a cherished husband, father, son, brother, grandfather and uncle but is possibly best known as an avid, enthusiastic storyteller. Larry is survived by his loving and devoted wife of 33 years, Pam Miller, and three adoring children, Eddie Miller and his wife Dena, of Marion, AR, Misty Parks and her husband Chad of Olive Branch, MS, and Jason Miller and his wife Keren of Bartlett, TN. He is also survived by his mother, Lavonne Miller of Millington, TN; three brothers, Gerald Miller, Ricky Miller and Steve Miller, all of Millington, TN; three sisters, Carol Risner of Memphis, TN, Cathey Warner of Bartlett, TN, and Judy Throneberry of Millington, TN; six grandchildren, Grey Miller, Terra Bryan, Ashleigh Parks, Maci Dean Parks, CJ Parks, and Ebin Miller; father in law, Don Grinder; sister in law, Donette Wallace and her husband Rob, and their children, Adam and Nicole, as well as innumerable extended family and friends. We will never forget the humor he brought to every situation and his huge heart full of love. The family appreciates your prayers and respectfully requests that memorials be sent to the Grinder Family Volunteer Scholarship Fund at the Wings Cancer Foundation, 1100 Humphreys Blvd., Memphis, TN 38119. Visitation will be from 5 until 8 Friday, January 9, with Services at 2:00 p.m. Saturday, January 10, both at Memphis Funeral Home Germantown Parkway Chapel, with burial following at Memory Hill Gardens. We love you Papa Bear.

That Night

Tuesday 1-6-2009

That night was probably the longest night of our life.  Both our minds were racing and we kept running the entire day threw our heads.  It literly felt like time had stood still.  We knew it was night-time, the sun was down, but it didn’t seem like any time had passed at all.

We cried off and on that entire night.  We just weren’t able to beleive that Larry was gone.  How in the world could we get threw this?!?!  Why did this happen now?!

That night I had a dream.  In the dream we were all in the hospital very upset that Larry had passed.  A doctor rushed in and told us that there was a new shot that could bring people back to life and Larry had been approved for the injection.  They gave him the shot and he came back to life.  All I could see was his face, it was about 8 inches away from mine.  I could see his eyes, that crystal clear blue and that big ole smile on his face.  Then, I woke up for the morning.

We still smile

Here’s a pic of my nephew CJ.  He has SUPER curley hair.  We decided to straighten it, just to see …

freaky, isn’t it?

The Day Time Stopped for The Miller’s

For another version of how things are going. please see www.mistyladean.wordpress.com  My sister in law has blogged a lot as well and I’m sure she will blog about some of my stupid-ness that has made us laugh until we cry!

Let me warn you, my spelling and grammer seem to be the first thing that has left me during this trying time .. course I was never an English scholar!  So just ignore the choppiness if it’s there.

____________________________

Tuesday, 1-6-2009

I know this is not the last time I will feel such loss and sadness.  However, it is most definetly the first time that grief has rocked my world so unexpectedly that we still feel as if we are in a dream, and a horrible one at that.

Tuesday morning 1-6-09 began for me at 3am.  It was a tad strange, Ebin woke up – which is normal- but he didn’t need anything.  He wasn’t hungry, he didn’t need a new diaper, nothing, he just wanted to hang out.  He smiled and played with me for 30 minutes or so and then went back to sleep.  So I went back off to sleep.  Jason and I were snuggling especially good when my 6am alarm went off.  He told me I better get up or I’d be late – I was still holding out for the ‘ice storm’ we might be getting.

605 Jason’s phone rings – we don’t recognize the number, so we don’t answer it.  Then my phone rings, a different number same area code.  I said to Jason that I would just answer it and see what was going on.  It was the Police Department asking for Jason.  She didn’t identify herself as Police, she just kept asking for Jason.  Then Jason’s phone rang and another unidentified police officer was on the line.  In stereo Jason and I heard his mother screaming and crying.  We that Larry had collasped and to come pick up his mother and go to the hospital.  We later learned that he had been sick since the night before.  He was experiencing flu-like symptoms.  He did not want to go to the hospital and by the time Ms. Pam convinced him that am it was too late.  He collasped while she was giving him his pj’s.  She called 911 and gave him cpr until they arrived.

That morning at 607 God blessed me with clarity and calmness like I’d never before experience.  Within seconds I got Jason and I dressed, got the baby in his car seat, fixed his bottle and we were out the door.  Thankfully no ‘ice storm’ came, so we were able to drive carefully.  We arrived at Ms. Pam and Larry’s and met the woman police officer.  We lock the house up and head to the hospital.  On the car ride there, Ms. Pam runs the scenario over and over in her head, what did we miss?!   Ebin makes no sound at all, and by 6 he is normally up for the morning.

We arrive at the hospital and are immediatly escorted to the Chapel.  It was like watching a movie.  I’m sorry to say, but the chaplain was creepy, he didn’t really say much and I knew that was it.  They don’t take just anyone to ‘wait in the chapel where it’s more private.’

5 minutes go by, but it seems like 45 and the ER Dr, Head Nurse, and Police Officer are ushured in.  I was on the floor with the baby, and the Dr. seemed so tall.  His white coat seemed to be 6 feet long.  He had glasses and buggy eyes, brown balding hair, he was skinny.  He explains to Ms. Pam that they worked on him for an hour -which is SOP- after an hour he continued to be non-responsive so they pronounced him.  It was more than likely a heart attack. 

That’s when time stopped.

I will never forget the look on her face, the confusion in her voice.  A what?  A heart attack?  He had no history of heart problems!  What do you mean??  My sweet husband looked like he had been hit by a mack truck, and his brother wasn’t much better.  Misty -my SIL- hadn’t yet arrived.

From then until now I haven’t really stopped moving.  I’ve been so busy with calls, hugs, cries, tending to all my in-laws, pacing, more calls, text … I’ve been so busy.

I called Misty right before we got the news.  I tried my best to prepare her by telling her we were in the chapel.  I hoped she would understand that this wasn’t a good sign, but I know a part of me hoped that he wasn’t dead.

Once we got the news we stayed together for awhile.  We waited on Misty to arrive.  She came in the room her bright, cheery self, she was optimistic everything was ok.  All we did was shake our heads and the shock began for her too.

After that we began to make the calls.  I’ve made these calls once before, when Jason’s Grandmommie passed away.  As hard as it was in 2005 it was 1 million times harder to call that day.  I called Jason’s Uncle who was stunned.  I called Jason’s Pop who was uncontrolably confused.  I called my mom.  I knew I couldn’t deal with Ebin in this moment.  My job was to tend to Jason, his mom, sister and brother.

The entire time Ebin never really made a sound.  He woke up, but he was so good (and ya’ll, you read this blog, he’s vocal!)  What a blessing.  One of just the many many many blessings I will never be able to record them all.

After more calls were made we decided it was time to see him.  I’m not going to say much about that.  As I reflect, I realize it was about 2 hours before we saw him, so death begins to settle in.

My mother came up to the hospital to get the baby.  The SECOND she put the baby in the car he began to cry.  CRAZY how he stayed quiet until then.

After some time had passed Ms. Pam was ready to come home.  We were greeted with countless loving friends, more dishes than I can count, and so many open arms. 

Then the night came.

__________________________

I’ll blog more later .. check www.mistyladean.wordpress.com

The Day Before

I heard this song for the first time the day before my Father-in-Law passed away.  There is no doubt in my mind that God gave this song to me to minister to me and to our family. 

It’s been amazing how God has taken care of us in the weeks leading up to this.  His plan is always perfect and it will all make sense one day.

Please continue to pray for all of our family, extended family, and friends.  Larry’s passing is the worst shock of our lives.  He was 59.

____________

“Our Hope Endures” Natalie Grant

You would think only so much can go wrong
Calamity only strikes once
And you assume this one has suffered her/his share
Life will be kinder from here
Oh, but sometimes the sun stays hidden for years
Sometimes the sky rains night after night
When will it clear?

But our Hope endures the worst of conditions
It’s more than our optimism
Let the earth quake
Our Hope is unchanged

How do we comprehend peace within pain?
Or joy at a good man’s wake?
Walk a mile with the woman whose body is racked
With illness, oh how can she laugh?
Oh, ’cause sometimes the sun stays hidden for years
Sometimes the sky rains night after night
When will it clear?

But our Hope endures the worst of conditions
It’s more than our optimism
Let the earth quake
Our Hope is unchanged

Emmanuel, God is with us
El Shaddai, all sufficient
We never walk alone
And this is our hope

But our Hope endures the worst of conditions
It’s more than our optimism
Let the earth quake
Our Hope is unchanged

____________

Larry with our dog Roxie – they had a super tight bond

No words can express the sadness

My father in law just died.  Please pray for our family.

I’ll be right back, I’m going to take a dump.

Do you really listen to people?  I mean, really listen to what they have to say?  Or do you have days that go by where everything and everyone you’ve come in contact with are just a blur?  I’ll be the first to admit, I’m bad sometimes about halfway listening!  Whenever I do this, I ALWAYS get caught!  For instance, if Jason is telling me a story about poker, I really do try and listen, but a lot of times I get lost in the details, so I glaze over a bit.  Then when he pauses and looks for a response from me, I follow with a comment that doesn’t go with the story at all.  Know what I mean? 

That brings me to this post.  It’s a pretty funny story about how halfway listening can get you in trouble.

Background – I chose to breastfeed Ebin when he was born.  There are a lot of pro’s and con’s to breastfeeding in my opinion but that’s another post.  So, when I went back to work I began pumping every 3 hours or so to keep up my milk supply.

Me – Ok donna, it’s time for me to take a break.

Donna – Oh, ok.  How long will you be gone?

Me – Well, I have to pump so it will probably be 20 minutes or so.

Donna – …whips her whole body around and looks at me like I’m crazy…

Me – Ohh, you’ve been out of the office since I’ve been back.  I’m breastfeeding, so every 3 hours I have to pump.

Donna – …her facial expression completely changes, from confusion to relief…

Me – Donna is everything ok?

Donna – Oh gosh Keren, everything is fine .. I just thought you said you were going to take a 20 minute dump!

How easily we can misunderstand each other when we fail to halfway listen.

Month 2

Two months old! And what a month it’s been. You are starting to hold your head up really well at the beginning of this month, which is nice because I don’t have to worry about you flopping around as much anymore! You stay awake a lot longer during the day now. About every third night you will sleep 10ish to 5ish, which is GREAT! Your favorite thing to do is people watch. You are constantly studying people’s faces and trying to imitate their expressions. When you want to ‘talk’ you coo, but you also fake cough. At first we thought maybe you had a cold, but one day mommy coughed and you coughed back at her! We realized you had learned to control your coughing, so you use it to talk. Pretty funny!! You are always alert and I can tell you are learning a lot. You’ve also learned that toys ‘do’ things, and you always want them going.  Your colic seems to have disappeared into thin air, and we are so thankful for that! Mommy had to go back to work this month, and her heart broke a little. But, she knows you are in loving hands. We celebrated your very first Christmas this month and you went to church for the first time this month!